Dainyatmika: Humility
(২)
(2)
ভুলিয়া তোমারে সংসারে আসিয়া
পেয়ে নানা-বিধ ব্যথা ।
তোমার চরণে আসিয়াছি আমি
বলিব দুঃখের কথা ॥১॥
bhuliyā tomāre saṁsāre āsiyā
peye nānā-vidha vyathā
tomāra charaṇe āsiyāchhi āmi
baliba duḥkhera kathā [1]
bhuliya–forgetting; tomare–about You; samsare–in the material world; asiya–coming; peye–experiencing; nana–various; vidha–forms; vyatha–of suffering; tomara–Your; charane–at the feet; asiyachhi–have come; ami–I; baliba–will say; duhkhera–of distress; katha–tale. [1]
Translation:
(1) Forgetting You and coming to the material world, I have undergone all sorts of suffering. Now I have come before Your feet and will express my tale of distress.
(1) bhuliya tomare … nana-vidha vyatha: «Forgetting You … I have undergone all sorts of suffering.» Undergoing the miseries of material existence is the result of forgetfulness of the Lord. This is described in Sri Chaitanya-charitamrta (Madhya-lila, 20.117) and Srimad Bhagavatam (11.2.37):
kṛṣṇa bhuli’ sei jīva anādi-bahirmukha
ataeva māyā tāre deya saṁsārādi-duḥkha
«When a soul outside the realm of time and space (in the tatastha-sakti*) turns away from Krishna and forgets Him, Maya subjects him to the various miseries of worldly existence.»
bhayaṁ dvitīyābhiniveśataḥ syād
īśād apetasya viparyayo ’smṛtiḥ
tan-māyayāto budha ābhajet taṁ
bhaktyaikayeṣaṁ guru-devatātmā
«By the influence of the Lord’s maya, those who are intent upon selfish enjoyment and turn away from the Lord forget the Lord, consider themself to be the opposite of their true self, and become stricken with fear. Thus the wise should serve the Lord with unalloyed devotion, considering Sri Guru to be non-different from the Lord and most beloved.»
nana-vidha vyatha: «All sorts of suffering.» This refers to the threefold miseries (lit. burning heat) of material existence: adhyatmik-tap, miseries caused by one’s body and mind; adhibhautik-tap, miseries caused by other souls; and adhidaivik-tap, miseries caused by the demigods and demons.
The suffering mentioned in this verse also refers to a fivefold state of affliction (kles): (1) avidya: ignorance of one’s true identity as an eternal soul and servant of Krishna; (2) asmita: identification with the mundane ego, mind, and body; (3) abhinives: absorption in mundane experience; (4) raga: obsession with mundane pleasures and their paraphernalia; and (5) dves: revulsion to dissatisfaction and its causes.
জননী-জঠরে ছিলাম যখন
বিষম বন্ধন-পাশে ।
একবার প্রভু! দেখা দিয়া মোরে
বঞ্চিলে এ দীন দাসে ॥২॥
jananī-jaṭhare chhilāma yakhana
viṣama bandhana-pāśe
eka-bāra prabhu! dekhā diyā more
vañchile e dīna dāse [2]
janani–of my mother; jathare–in the womb; chhilama–I was; yakhana–when; visama–terrible; bandhana–binding; pase–with the ropes; eka–one; bara–time; prabhu!–O Lord!; dekha–sight; diya–giving; more–to me; vanchile–deprived; e–this; dina–poor; dase–to this servant. [2]
Translation:
(2) While I was bound in the terrible confines of my mother’s womb, You once revealed Yourself to me, O Lord! Yet since then You have deprived this poor servant.
(2) janani-jathare … e dina dase: «O Lord! … You have deprived this poor servant.» Only souls who, through divine fortune, directly meet the Lord while bound within the womb of their mother feel separation from Him (upon being born) and are able to say, «O Lord! You have deprived this poor servant.» This is not the case for all souls. Srila Jiva Goswami Prabhu has established this conclusion in his Sandarbhas.
তখন ভাবিনু জনম পাইয়া
করিব ভজন তব ।
জনম হইল পড়ি’ মায়া-জালে
না হইল জ্ঞান-লব ॥৩॥
takhana bhāvinu janama pāiyā
kariba bhajana tava
janama ha-ila paḍi’ māyā-jāle
nā ha-ila jñāna-lava [3]
takhana–then; bhavinu–I thought; janama–birth; paiya–obtaining; kariba–I will do; bhajana–service; tava–Your; janama–birth; ha-ila–happened; padi’–falling; maya (mayara)–of Maya; jale (pha̐de)–into the net (trap); na–not; ha-ila–became; jnana (jnanera)–of knowledge; lava (lesa)–a fraction (trace). [3]
Translation:
(3) At that moment I thought I would engage in Your service after taking birth. Yet when I was born, I fell into maya’s trap, and not a trace of such consciousness remained.
(3) maya-jale: «Maya’s trap.» Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur has described the function of maya as follows:
svarūpārthair hīnān nija-sukha-parān kṛṣṇa-vimukhān
harer māyā daṇḍyān guṇa-nigaḍa-jālaiḥ kalayati
tathā sthūlair liṅgair dvividha-varaṇaiḥ kleśa-nikarair
mahā-karmālānair nayati patitān svarga-nirayau
«With the shackles of the modes of material nature, Sri Hari’s maya binds those who have turned away from Him, become intent upon selfish happiness, and forgotten the actual interest of their true selves. Covering them with gross and subtle material bodies, and subjecting them to all sorts of suffering, maya perpetually drags them by the heavy ropes of their karma throughout heavenly and hellish conditions.»
Also, in Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu (1.1.4) ‘Maya’s trap’ is described as paribhutam kala-jala-bhiyah, «The fearsome net of time (which is the cause of the continuous succession of miseries produced by the bondage of birth, death, and so forth).»
আদরের ছেলে স্বজনের কোলে
হাসিয়া কাটানু কাল ।
জনক-জননী- স্নেহেতে ভুলিয়া
সংসার লাগিল ভাল ॥৪॥
ādarera chhele svajanera kole
hāsiyā kāṭānu kāla
janaka-jananī- snehete bhuliyā
saṁsāra lāgila bhāla [4]
adarera–of adoring parents; chhele–a son; svajanera–of relatives; kole–in the lap; hasiya–smiling, laughing; katanu–I passed; kala–time; janaka–of my father; janani–of my mother; snehete–due to the affection; bhuliya–forgetting; samsara–family life, the material world; lagila–felt; bhala–good. [4]
Translation:
(4) As a son of adoring parents, I spent my time in their laps, smiling and laughing. Because of my mother and father’s affection, I forgot You and took pleasure in family life (material existence).
ক্রমে দিন দিন বালক হইয়া
খেলিনু বালক সহ ।
আর কিছুদিনে জ্ঞান উপজিল
পাঠ পড়ি অহরহঃ ॥৫॥
krame dina dina bālaka ha-iyā
khelinu bālaka saha
āra kichhu-dine jñāna upajila
pāṭha paḍi ahar-ahaḥ [5]
krame–gradually; dina–day; dina–day; balaka–a boy; ha-iya–becoming; khelinu–I played; balaka–boys; saha–with; ara–more; kichhu–some; dine–after days; jnana–faculty of knowledge; upajila (udita ha-ila)–arose; patha–lessons; padi–I study; ahar-ahah (dina dina, sarva-ksana)–day after day (all the time). [5]
Translation:
(5) Day by day I grew into a young boy and played with other young boys. Later on my intellect developed, and I studied my lessons day in and day out.
বিদ্যার গৌরবে ভ্রমি’ দেশে দেশে
ধন উপার্জ্জন করি’ ।
স্বজন-পালন করি এক-মনে
ভুলিনু তোমারে, হরি! ॥৬॥
vidyāra gaurave bhrami’ deśe deśe
dhana upārjana kari’
svajana-pālana kari eka-mane
bhulinu tomāre hari! [6]
vidyara–of learning; gaurave–on the strength; bhrami’–travelling; dese–in country; dese–in (another) country; dhana–wealth; uparjana–earning; kari’–doing; svajana–relatives; palana–maintenance; kari–I do; eka–single; mane–with a mind; bhulinu–I forgot; tomare–about You; hari!–O Lord! [6]
Translation:
(6) Then on the strength of my learning, I travelled from place to place, earned money, and maintained my family with undivided attention. I forgot You, O Lord!
(6) dhana uparjana o svajana-palana: «Earned money and maintained my family.» This is described by Sukadev Goswami to Maharaj Pariksit in Srimad Bhagavatam (2.1.3):
nidrayā hriyate naktaṁ vyavāyena cha vā vayaḥ
divā chārthehayā rājan kuṭumba-bharaṇena vā
«O King, the lifetime of materialistic householders is wasted by night in sleeping or engaging in sexual indulgence, and by day in earning money and maintaining family members.»
বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন ভকতিবিনোদ
কাঁদিয়া কাতর অতি ।
না ভজিয়া তোরে দিন বৃথা গেল
এখন কি হ’বে গতি ॥৭॥
vārddhakye ekhana bhakati-vinoda
kā̐diyā kātara ati
nā bhajiyā tore dina vṛthā gela
ekhana ki ha’be gati? [7]
varddhakye–in old age; ekhana–now; bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; ka̐diya–crying; katara–distressed; ati–very; na–not; bhajiya–serving; tore–to You; dina–days; vrtha–vain; gela–passed; ekhana–now; ki–what?; habe–will be; gati–destination. [7]
Translation:
(7) Now aged, Bhakti Vinod cries in great distress, «Not serving You, I have passed my days in vain. What will be my fate now?»
(৩)
(3)
বিদ্যার বিলাসে কাটাইনু কাল
পরম সাহসে আমি ।
তোমার চরণ না ভজিনু কভু
এখন শরণ তুমি ॥১॥
vidyāra vilāse kāṭāinu kāla
parama sāhase āmi
tomāra charaṇa nā bhajinu kabhu
ekhana śaraṇa tumi [1]
vidyara–of learning; vilase–in the pleasures; katainu–I passed; kala–the time; parama–great; sahase–with confidence; ami–I; tomara–Your; charana–feet; na–not; bhajinu–I served; kabhu–ever; ekhana–now; sarana–shelter; tumi–You. [1]
Translation:
(1) I spent my time absorbed in the pleasures of learning with great confidence. I never served Your feet. Now You are my shelter.
পড়িতে পড়িতে ভরসা বাড়িল
জ্ঞানে গতি হবে মানি’ ।
সে আশা বিফল সে জ্ঞান দুর্ব্বল
সে জ্ঞান অজ্ঞান জানি ॥২॥
paḍite paḍite bharasā bāḍila
jñāne gati habe māni’
se āśā biphala se jñāna durbala
se jñāna ajñāna jāni [2]
padite–studying; padite–and studying; bharasa–confidence; badila–increased; jnane–through knowledge; gati–goal; habe–will be attained; mani’–considering; se–that; asa–hope; biphala–fruitless; se–that; jnana–knowledge; durbala–powerless; se–that; jnana–knowledge; ajnana–ignorance; jani–I know. [2]
Translation:
(2) Studying continuously, my confidence that I would attain the fulfilment of life through knowledge increased. Yet that hope was futile, and that knowledge was useless. I now know such ‘knowledge’ to be ignorance.
(2) jnane gati: «I would attain the fulfilment of life through knowledge.» In Srimad Bhagavad-gita (4.33), Krishna says:
sarvaṁ karmākhilaṁ pārtha jñāne parisamāpyate
«O Arjun, all actions culminate in knowledge.»
se jnana durbala: «That knowledge was useless.» Knowledge alone is unable to fulfil one’s spiritual desires. This is explained by Sriman Mahaprabhu to Srila Sanatan Goswami Prabhu in Sri Chaitanya-charitamrta (Madhya-lila, 22.17–18):
kṛṣṇa-bhakti haya abhidheya-pradhāna
bhakti-mukha-nirīkṣaka karma-yoga-jñāna
ei saba sādhanera ati tuchchha bala
kṛṣṇa-bhakti vinā tāhā dite nāre phala
«Krishna-bhakti is the fundamental means of spiritual progress (because the soul is by nature an eternal servant of Krishna). Karma (pious action), yoga (self-regulation), and jnan (knowledge) are all dependent on bhakti; they have no actual power of their own. Without Krishna-bhakti, they are all unable to deliver results.»
se jnana ajnana: «That ‘knowledge’ is ignorance.» All knowledge of the mundane world is really illusory knowledge, in other words, ignorance. This is described in the Katha-upanisad (1.2.5):
avidyāyām antare vartamānāḥ
svayaṁ dhīrāḥ paṇḍitaṁ manyamānāḥ
daṁdramyamāṇāḥ pariyanti mūḍhā
andhenaiva nīyamānā yathāndhāḥ
«Insincere fools who remain in ignorance yet consider themselves sober (free from any illusion) and wise (learned authorities) are deluded just like blind persons being led by other blind persons.»
জড়বিদ্যা যত মায়ার বৈভব
তোমার ভজনে বাধা ।
মোহ জনমিয়া অনিত্য সংসারে
জীবকে করয়ে গাধা ॥৩॥
jaḍa-vidyā yata māyāra vaibhava
tomāra bhajane bādhā
moha janamiyā anitya saṁsāre
jīvake karaye gādhā [3]
jada–material; vidya–learning; yata–all; mayara–of the illusory energy; vaibhava–the opulence; tomara–Your; bhajane–in the service; badha–an obstacle; moha–infatuation; janamiya–bringing about; anitya–non-eternal; samsare–in the material world; jivake–to the soul; karaye–makes; gadha–an ass. [3]
Translation:
(3) All mundane learning is an exhibition of maya and an obstacle to Your service. It brings about infatuation for the temporary world and makes an ass of the soul.
(3) jada-vidya … jivake karaye gadha: «Mundane learning makes an ass of the soul.» This refers to apara-vidya, inferior knowledge, that is, knowledge which construes material objects as meant for one’s selfish enjoyment.
In this regard, shortly after returning from Gaya, Nimai Pandit advised His students as follows (Sri Chaitanya-bhagavat: Madhya-lila, 1.158–9):
śāstrera nā jāne marma, adhyāpanā kare
garddabhera prāya yena śāstra bahi’ mare
paḍiñā śuniñā loka gela chhāre-khāre
kṛṣṇa mahā-mahotsave vañchilā tāhāre
«Those who do not know the purport of the scriptures yet teach them to others are like asses: they bear the load of the scriptures in vain. Reading and hearing the scriptures leads only to death and destruction for both these teachers and their audiences. They are all deprived of the joy of the grand festival of love for Krishna.»
In Srimad Bhagavatam (10.84.13), Krishna Himself explains:
yasyātma-buddhiḥ kuṇape tri-dhātuke
sva-dhīḥ kalatrādiṣu bhauma ijya-dhīḥ
yat-tīrtha-buddhiḥ salile na karhichij
janeṣv abhijñeṣu sa eva go-kharaḥ
«One who considers his decaying material body, made of mucus, bile, and air, to be his actual self (but does not realise himself to be a servant of the Lord); who considers his spouse, family, and associated paraphernalia to be his possessions (but feels no affectionate attachment for the Lord’s devotees); who considers a graven image made of earth or other material elements to be the Lord (but has no reverence for the Lord’s devotees); and who considers a body of water to be a place of pilgrimage (but fails to understand that the Lord’s devotees are the ultimate place of pilgrimage) — such a person is an ass among cows (a foolish beast fit only to bear the burden of carrying food for other animals).»
Krishna explains the components of His inferior energy (apara-prakrti) in Srimad Bhagavad-gita (7.4–5):
bhūmir āpo ’nalo vāyuḥ khaṁ mano buddhir eva cha
ahaṅkāra itīyaṁ me bhinnā prakṛtir aṣṭadhā | apareyam
«Earth, water, fire, air, space, mind, intelligence, and false ego are the eight divisions of My inferior, material energy.»
সেই গাধা হ’য়ে সংসারের বোঝা
বহিনু অনেক কাল ।
বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন শক্তির অভাবে
কিছু নাহি লাগে ভাল ॥৪॥
sei gādhā ha’ye saṁsārera bojhā
bahinu aneka kāla
vārddhakye ekhana śaktira abhāve
kichhu nāhi lāge bhāla [4]
sei–that very; gadha–ass; ha’ye–becoming; samsarera–of material existence, of family life; bojha–the burden; bahinu–I carried; aneka–much; kala–time; varddhakye–in old age; ekhana–now; saktira–of ability; abhave–in the absence; kichhu–something; nahi–not; lage–strikes; bhala–good. [4]
Translation:
(4) I became such an ass and bore the burden of my household for so long. Now aged and devoid of strength, nothing brings me any pleasure.
জীবন যাতনা হইল এখন
সে বিদ্যা অবিদ্যা ভেল ।
অবিদ্যার জ্বালা ঘটিল বিষম
সে বিদ্যা হইল শেল ॥৫॥
jīvana yātanā ha-ila ekhana
se vidyā avidyā bhela
avidyāra jvālā ghaṭila viṣama
se vidyā ha-ila śela [5]
jivana–life; yatana–agony; ha-ila–became; ekhana–now; se–that; vidya–learning; avidya–ignorance; bhela–became; avidyara–of ignorance; jvala–the burning pain; ghatila–became; visama–torturous; se–that; vidya–learning; ha-ila–became; sela (marma-bhedi astra visesa)–a heart-piercing spear. [5]
Translation:
(5) Now My life has become agony. My learning has proven to be ignorance, and the burning pain of that ignorance has become unbearably torturous. My ‘learning’ has turned into a spear (that has pierced my heart).
তোমার চরণ বিনা কিছু ধন
সংসারে না আছে আর ।
ভকতিবিনোদ জড়বিদ্যা ছাড়ি’
তুয়া পদ করে সার ॥৬॥
tomāra charaṇa vinā kichhu dhana
saṁsāre nā āchhe āra
bhakati-vinoda jaḍa-vidyā chhāḍi’
tuyā pada kare sāra [6]
tomara–Your; charana–feet; vina–apart from; kichhu–any; dhana–treasure; samsare–in the material world; na–not; achhe–is; ara–other; bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; jada–material; vidya–learning; chhadi’–abandoning; tuya–Your; pada–feet; kare–makes; sara–the essence. [6]
Translation:
(6) O Lord! There is nothing of value in this material world other than Your feet. Bhakti Vinod abandons all mundane learning and accepts Your feet as his be-all and end-all.
(৪)
(4)
যৌবনে যখন, ধন উপার্জ্জনে
হইনু বিপুল কামী ।
ধরম স্মরিয়া, গৃহিণীর কর
ধরিনু তখন আমি ॥১॥
yauvane yakhana, dhana-upārjane,
ha-inu vipula kāmī
dharama smariyā, gṛhiṇīra kara,
dharinu takhana āmi [1]
yauvane–in youth; yakhana–when; dhana–wealth; uparjane–in earning; ha-inu–I became; vipula–greatly; kami–desirous; dharama–religion; smariya–remembering; grhinira–of a wife; kara–the hand; dharinu–took; takhana–then; ami–I. [1]
Translation:
(1) When I was young I became greatly desirous of earning money. Remembering my religious duty, I took the hand of a wife.
(1) dharama smariya: «Remembering my religious duty.» This refers to the injunction: sa-striko dharmam acharet, one should practise religion with a wife.
সংসারে পাতা’য়ে, তাহার সহিত
কালক্ষয় কৈনু কত ।
বহু সুত-সুতা, জনম লভিল
মরমে হইনু হত ॥২॥
saṁsāre pātā’ye, tāhāra sahita,
kāla-kṣaya kainu kata
bahu suta-sutā, janama labhila,
marame ha-inu hata [2]
samsare–to household life, material existence; pata’ye–setting out; tahara–her; sahita–with; kala–of time; ksaya–destruction; kainu–did; kata–so much; bahu–many; suta–sons; suta–and daughters; janama–birth; labhila–attained; marame–in my core; ha-inu–I became; hata–distressed. [2]
Translation:
(2) I established a household with her and wasted so much time. We had many sons and daughters, and I became distressed at heart.
সংসারের ভার, বাড়ে দিনে দিনে
অচল হইল গতি ।
বার্দ্ধক্য আসিয়া, ঘেরিল আমারে
অস্থির হইল মতি ॥৩॥
saṁsārera bhāra, bāḍe dine dine,
achala ha-ila gati
vārddhakya āsiyā, gherila āmāre,
asthira ha-ila mati [3]
samsarera–of household life; bhara–the burden; bade–increasing; dine–day; dine–by day; achala–immobile; ha-ila–became; gati–my path, destination; varddhakya–old age; asiya–coming; gherila–besieged; amare–to me; asthira–unsteady, restless; ha-ila–became; mati–mind. [3]
Translation:
(3) The burden of my household increased day by day, and my progress towards attaining the goal of life came to a standstill. As old age came and besieged me, my mind became disturbed.
(3) achala ha-ila gati: «My progress towards attaining the goal of life came to a standstill.» This is explained by Sri Prabuddha to Maharaj Nimi in Srimad Bhagavatam (11.3.18):
karmāṇy ārabhamāṇānāṁ duḥkha-hatyai sukhāya cha
paśyet pāka-viparyāsaṁ mithunī-chāriṇāṁ nṛṇām
«One must see that those humans who unite in conjugal relationships and make endeavours to eliminate their distress and attain happiness (through sexual relations, producing offspring, accumulating wealth, maintaining a household, and so forth) incur the exact opposite result.»
varddhakya asiya … asthira ha-ila mati: «As old age came … my mind became disturbed.» Seeing everyone suffering in illusion as he wandered throughout ancient India, Sankar Acharya would lament:
bālas tāvat krīḍāsaktaḥ taruṇas tāvat taruṇī-raktaḥ
vṛddhas tāvat chintā-magnāḥ pare brahmaṇi ko ’pi na lagnaḥ
«Boys are attached to play. Youths are attached to young women. The elderly are absorbed in worries. Alas! No one is conscious of the Supreme Absolute (Parabrahma).»
পীড়ায় অস্থির, চিন্তায় জ্বরিত
অভাবে জ্বলিত চিত ।
উপায় না দেখি, অন্ধকার-ময়
এখন হয়েছি ভীত ॥৪॥
pīḍāya asthira, chintāya jvarita,
abhāve jvalita chita
upāya nā dekhi, andhakāra-maya,
ekhana hayechhi bhīta [4]
pidaya–with disease; asthira–unsteady; chintaya–with anxiety; jvarita–feverish; abhave–in want, in privation; jvalita–burning; chita–heart; upaya–way out; na–not; dekhi–I see; andhakara–blinding darkness; maya–filled with; ekhana–now; hayechhi–I have become; bhita–frightened. [4]
Translation:
(4) Restless with disease and feverish with anxiety, my heart burns with unfulfilled desire. I see no way out of this darkness and have now become fearful.
সংসার-তটিনী- স্রোত নহে শেষ
মরণ নিকটে ঘোর ।
সব সমাপিয়া, ভজিব তোমায়
এ আশা বিফল মোর ॥৫॥
saṁsāra-taṭinī-srota nahe śeṣa,
maraṇa nikaṭe ghora
saba samāpiyā, bhajiba tomāya,
e āśā biphala mora [5]
samsara–of household life, of material existence; tatini (nadi)–the river; srota–the current; nahe–does not; sesa–end; marana–death; nikate–near; ghora–terrible; saba–everything; samapiya–concluding; bhajiba–will serve; tomaya–You; e–this; asa–hope; biphala–fruitless; mora–of mine. [5]
Translation:
(5) There is no end to the torrent of the river of household life, and fearsome death always looms nearby. «After finishing all of this, I will serve You» — this hope of mine has proven vain.
এবে শুন প্রভু! আমি গতিহীন
ভকতিবিনোদ কয় ।
তব কৃপা বিনা, সকলি নিরাশা
দেহ’ মোরে পদাশ্রয় ॥৬॥
ebe śuna prabhu! āmi gati-hīna,
bhakati-vinoda kaya
tava kṛpā vinā, sakali nirāśā,
deha’ more padāśraya [6]
ebe–now; suna–please listen; prabhu!–O Lord!; ami–I; gati–means of deliverance; hina–devoid of; bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; kaya–says; tava–Your; krpa–mercy; vina–without; sakali–everything; nirasa–hopeless; deha’–please bestow; more–upon me; pada–of Your feet; asraya–the shelter. [6]
Translation:
(6) Now please listen, O Lord! I am utterly helpless. Bhakti Vinod prays, «Without Your mercy, everything is hopeless. Please give me the shelter of Your feet.»
(৫)
(5)
আমার জীবন, সদা পাপে রত
নাহিক পুণ্যের লেশ ।
পরেরে উদ্বেগ, দিয়ছি যে কত
দিয়াছি জীবেরে ক্লেশ ॥১॥
āmāra jīvana, sadā pāpe rata,
nāhika puṇyera leśa
parere udvega, diyāchhi ye kata,
diyāchhi jīvere kleśa [1]
amara–my; jivana–life; sada–always; pape–in sin; rata–engaged; nahika–there is not; punyera–of piety; lesa–a trace; parere–to others; udvega–agitation; diyachhi–I have given; ye–which; kata–so much; diyachhi–I have given; jivere–to other souls; klesa–afflictions. [1]
Translation:
(1) My life is always engrossed in sin; there is not a trace of piety within it. I have caused others so much anxiety and trouble.
(1) sada pape rata: «Always engrossed in sin.» As Sankar Acharya expresses in his Moha-mudgara-stotram:
pāpo ’haṁ pāpa-karmāhaṁ pāpātmā pāpa-sambhavaḥ
«I am sinful, my actions are sinful, my soul is sinful, and my birth is sinful.»
নিজ সুখ লাগি’, পাপে নাহি ডরি
দয়াহীন স্বার্থপর ।
পর-সুখে দুঃখী, সদা মিথ্যাভাষী
পরদুঃখ সুখকর ॥২॥
nija sukha lāgi’, pāpe nāhi ḍari,
dayā-hīna svārtha-para
para-sukhe duḥkhī, sadā mithyā-bhāṣī,
para-duḥkha sukha-kara [2]
nija–my own; sukha–happiness; lagi’–for the sake; pape–in sin; nahi–do not; dari–I fear; daya–mercy; hina–devoid of; svartha–self-interest; para–intent upon; para–of others; sukhe–by the happiness; duhkhi–distressed; sada–always; mithya–lies; bhasi–speaking; para–of others; duhkha–distress; sukha–happiness; kara–producing. [2]
Translation:
(2) I am never afraid to engage in sinful activities for the sake of my own happiness. I am merciless and selfish. I am distressed by the happiness of others, I am a perpetual liar, and the distress of others pleases me.
অশেষ কামনা, হৃদি মাঝে মোর
ক্রোধী, দম্ভপরায়ণ ।
মদমত্ত সদা, বিষয়ে মোহিত
হিংসা-গর্ব্ব বিভূষণ ॥৩॥
aśeṣa kāmanā, hṛdi mājhe mora,
krodhī, dambha-parāyaṇa
mada-matta sadā, viṣaye mohita,
hiṁsā-garva vibhūṣaṇa [3]
asesa–unlimited; kamana–sinful desires; hrdi–in the heart; majhe–in the interior; mora–my; krodhi–angry; dambha–arrogance; parayana–filled with; mada–vanity; matta–intoxicated; sada–always; visaye–by mundanity; mohita–infatuated; himsa–malice, jealousy, violence; garva–pride, egotism; vibhusana–ornaments. [3]
Translation:
(3) There are unlimited sinful desires within the core of my heart. I am angry and arrogant, always maddened with vanity, infatuated with mundanity, and ornamented with malice and pride.
(3) dambha-parayana: «Arrogant.» This refers to a dharma-dhvaji, a hypocrite who makes a show of being religious for mundane purposes (lit. one who waves the flag of dharma but does not practise it).
নিদ্রালস্য-হত, সুকার্য্যে বিরত
অকার্য্যে উদ্যোগী আমি ।
প্রতিষ্ঠা লাগিয়া, শাঠ্য-আচরণ
লোভ-হত সদা কামী ॥৪॥
nidrālasya-hata, sukārye virata,
akārye udyogī āmi
pratiṣṭhā lāgiyā, śāṭhya-ācharaṇa,
lobha-hata sadā kāmī [4]
nidra–by sleep; alasya–laziness; hata–subdued; sukarye–to good deeds; virata–averse; akarye–for sinful deeds; udyogi–eager; ami–I; pratistha (sammana)–fame (exaltation); lagiya–for; sathya (vanchana)–deceitful; acharana–behaviour; lobha–by greed; hata–attacked, destroyed, conquered; sada–always; kami–covetous. [4]
Translation:
(4) I am subdued by laziness and sleep, averse to performing good deeds, and eager to perform sinful deeds. I engage in deceitful behaviour in pursuit of prestige. I am ruined by greed and constantly covetous.
এ হেন দুর্জ্জন, সজ্জন-বর্জ্জিত
অপরাধী নিরন্তর ।
শুভকার্য্যশূন্য, সদানর্থমনা
নানা দুঃখে জর জর ॥৫॥
e hena durjana, sajjana-varjita,
aparādhī nirantara
śubha-kārya-śūnya, sadānartha-manā,
nānā duḥkhe jara jara [5]
e–this; hena–such as; durjana–bad person; sajjana–by devotees; varjita–rejected; aparadhi–an offender; nirantara–incessantly; subha–good; karya–motive; sunya–devoid of; sada–always; anartha–evil; mana–minded; nana–various; duhkhe–by miseries; jara–worn; jara–and torn. [5]
Translation:
(5) Such a sinner as I is shunned by devotees, and is a constant offender. I am devoid of virtuous motives, always intent upon evil, and racked by various miseries.
(5) sadanartha-mana: «Always intent upon evil.» This means incessantly malevolent.
বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন, উপায়-বিহীন
তা’তে দীন অকিঞ্চন ।
ভকতিবিনোদ, প্রভুর চরণে
করে দুঃখ নিবেদন ॥৬॥
vārddhakye ekhana, upāya-vihīna,
tā’te dīna akiñchana
bhakati-vinoda, prabhura charaṇe,
kare duḥkha nivedana [6]
varddhakye–in old age; ekhana–now; upaya–means; vihina–devoid (of any other); ta’te–thereby; dina–distressed; akinchana (sangati-sunya)–poor (without means); bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; prabhura–of the Lord; charane–at the feet; kare–makes; duhkha–sorrow; nivedana–submission. [6]
Translation:
(6) Now aged, I am devoid of any means of deliverance, and thus destitute and distressed. Bhakti Vinod submits this remorseful confession at the feet of the Lord.