Chapter 5. Transformations of Ecstasy in Service
প্রেমের বৈচিত্ত্যগত প্রেমের বিবর্ত্ত যত
মোর মনে নাচে নিরন্তর ।
কলহ গৌরের সনে করি আমি দিনে দিনে
«কুন্দলে জগাই» নাম মোর ॥১॥
premera vaichitya-gata premera vivarta yata
mora mane nāche nirantara
kalaha gaurera sane kari āmi dine dine
«kundale jagāi» nāma mora [1]
yata–The vaichitya-gata–pangs premera–of love [and the] yata vivarta–transformations premera–of love nirantara–constantly nache–dance mora mane–within my heart. ami–I kalaha kari–quarrel gaurera sane–with Gaura dine dine–every day. mora–My nama–name [is] «kundale jagai»–«Angry Jagai». [1]
Translation:
The pangs and transformations of love constantly dance within my heart. I quarrel with Gaura every day, and thus I am known as «Angry Jagai».
গেলাম ব্রজে দেখিবারে রহি সনাতনের ঘরে
কলহ করিনু তার সনে ।
রক্তবস্ত্র সন্ন্যাসীর শিরে বাঁধি’ আইলা ধীর
ভাতের হাঁড়ি মারিতে কৈনু মনে ॥২॥
gelāma vraja dekhibāre rahi sanātanera ghare
kalaha karinu tāra sane
rakta-vastra sannyāsīra śire bā̐dhi’ āilā dhīra
bhātera hā̐ḍi mārite kainu mane [2]
gelama–I went dekhibare–to see vraja–Vraja. rahi–I stayed sanatanera ghare–at Sanatan’s place. kalaha karinu–I quarrelled tara sane–with him. [When] ba̐dhi’–he tied sannyasira–a sannyasi’s rakta-vastra–red cloth sire–on [his] head [and] dhira–calmly aila–came [before me,] mane kainu–I decided marite–to beat [him] bhatera ha̐di–with a rice pot. [2]
Translation:
I went to see Vraja, and while staying at Sanatan’s place, I quarrelled with him. When he tied a sannyasi’s red cloth on his head and calmly came before me, I decided to beat him with a rice pot.
সনাতনের বিনয় দেখে ছাড়ি’ তারে এক পাকে
লজ্জায় বসিনু এক ধারে ।
গৌর মোর যত জানে আমায় পাঠায় বৃন্দাবনে
মজা দেখে থাকি’ নিজে দূরে ॥৩॥
sanātanera vinaya dekhe chhāḍi’ tāre eka pāke
lajjāya basinu eka dhāre
gaura mora yata jāne āmāya pāṭhāya vṛndāvane
majā dekhe thāki’ nije dūre [3]
dekhe–I saw sanatanera–Sanatan’s vinaya–humility, chhadi’–left tare–him eka pake–alone, [and] lajjaya–shamefully basinu–sat eka dhare–to one side. mora–My gaura–Gaura jane–knows yata–everything. pathaya–He sent amaya–me vrndavane–to Vrndavan [and] dekhe–observed maja–the result nije thaki’–while Himself remaining dure–at a distance. [3]
Translation:
When I saw Sanatan’s humility, I left him alone and shamefully sat to one side. My Gaura knows everything: He sent me to Vrndavan and observed the result from afar.
ভাল তার হউক সুখ মোর হউক চির দুঃখ
তার সুখে হবে মোর সুখ ।
আমি কাঁদি রাত্রদিনে গৌর বিচ্ছেদ ভাবি’ মনে
গৌর হাসে দেখি কাঁদা মুখ ॥৪॥
bhāla tāra ha-uka sukha mora ha-uka chira duḥkha
tāra sukhe habe mora sukha
āmi kā̐di rātra-dine gaura-vichchheda bhāvi’ mane
gaura hāse dekhi’ kā̐dā mukha [4]
bhala–Good! tara sukha ha-uka–Let Him be happy, [and] mora chira duhkha ha-uka–let me be sad forever. mora sukha habe–I will be happy tara sukhe–with His happiness. ratra-dine–Night and day ami–I ka̐di–cry, bhavi’–feeling gaura-vichchheda–separation from Gaura mane–at heart, [but] gaura–Gaura hase–laughs dekhi’–seeing [my] ka̐da–crying mukha–face. [4]
Translation:
Good! He can be happy, and I can be sad forever. His happiness will be my happiness. Night and day I cry, feeling separation from Gaura, but Gaura laughs seeing my crying face.
সেই ত’ কপটন্যাসী তার লীলা ভালবাসি
মধুমাখা কথাগুলি তার ।
যে ভাব ব্রজেতে ভেবে পুনঃ সেই ভাব এবে
বুঝেও না বুঝি আর বার ॥৫॥
sei ta’ kapaṭa-nyāsī tāra līlā bhālavāsi
madhu-mākhā kathāguli tāra
ye bhāva vrajete bheve punaḥ sei bhāva ebe
bujheo nā bujhi āra bāra [5]
sei ta’–He [is] kapata-nyasi–a deceitful sannyasi, [but] bhalavasi–I love tara–His lila–Pastimes. tara–His kathaguli–words [are] madhu-makha–full of nectar. ebe–Now bheve–The Lord is feeling punah–again ye bhava sei bhava–the same mood [He felt] vrajete–in Vraja. bujheo–Although I understand [this,] ara bara–sometimes bujhi na–I do not understand [it]. [5]
Translation:
He is a deceitful sannyasi, but I love His Pastimes. His words are full of nectar. The Lord is now feeling the same mood that He felt in Vraja. Although I understand this, sometimes I do not.
চন্দনাদি তৈল আনি’ বাঁকা বাঁকা কথা শুনি’
তৈল-ভাণ্ড ভাঙ্গিলাম বলে ।
মান করি’ নিজাসনে শুঞা রৈনু অনশনে
সে মান ভাঙ্গিল নানা ছলে ॥৬॥
chandanādi taila āni’ bā̐kā bā̐kā kathā śuni’
taila-bhāṇḍa bhāṅgilāma bale
māna kari’ nijāsane śuñā rainu anaśane
se māna bhāṅgila nānā chhale [6]
ani’–I brought chandanadi–sandalwood taila–oil [for Him, but] suni’–after hearing [His] ba̐ka ba̐ka katha–stubborn remarks, bhangilama–I broke taila-bhanda–the pot of oil bale–forcibly. mana kari’–Angrily, suna rainu–I layed nijasane–on my bed anasane–fasting. bhangila–He pacified [my] se mana–anger nana chhale–with various pleas. [6]
Translation:
I brought some sandalwood oil for Him, but after hearing His stubborn remarks, I smashed the pot of oil. Angrily, I layed on my bed fasting, but He pacified my anger with various pleas.
আমারে করায় পাক অন্নব্যঞ্জন আবোনা শাক
বলে, «ক্রোধের পাক বড় মিষ্ট» ।
বাড়ায় আমার রোষ তাতে তার সন্তোষ
তার প্রসন্নতা মোর ইষ্ট ॥৭॥
āmāre karāya pāka anna-vyañjana ābonā śāka
bale, «krodhera pāka baḍa miṣṭa»
bāḍāya āmāra roṣa tāte tāra santoṣa
tāra prasannatā mora iṣṭa [7]
karaya–He had amare–me paka–cook anna-vyanjana–rice, vegetables, [and] abona–wild saka–spinach. bale–He said, «[Your] «krodhera paka–angry cooking [is] bada–very mista»–sweet.» badaya–He increased amara–my rosa–anger [and] tate–so tara santosa–He [was] pleased. tara–His prasannata–satisfaction [is] mora–my ista–desire. [7]
Translation:
He had me cook rice, vegetables, and wild spinach. He said, «Your angry cooking is very sweet.» He increased my anger and so was pleased. His satisfaction is my desire.
জিজ্ঞাসিল সনাতন যাইতে কৈনু বৃন্দাবন
তাতে মোরে রাখে বোকা করি’ ।
বাল্য বুদ্ধি দেখি’ তার চিত্তে হয় চমৎকার
আমি তার পাদপদ্ম ধরি’ ॥৮॥
jijñāsila sanātana yāite kainu vṛndāvana
tāte more rākhe bokā kari’
bālya buddhi dekhi’ tāra chitte haya chamatkāra
āmi tāra pāda-padma dhari’ [8]
sanatana–Sanatan jijnasila–asked [me for advice, and] kainu–I told [him] yaite–to go vrndavana–to Vrndavan. more boka kari’ rakhe–The Lord deemed me a fool tate–for this. dekhi’–Seeing tara–His balya–childish buddhi–mentality, chitte chamatkara haya–I was amazed at heart, [and] ami–I dhari’–grasped tara–His pada-padma–lotus feet. [8]
Translation:
Once, Sanatan asked me for advice, and I told him to go to Vrndavan. The Lord deemed me a fool for this. Seeing His childish mentality, I was amazed at heart, and I grasped His lotus feet.
বৃন্দাবন যাইতে চাই তাতে আজ্ঞা নাহি পাই
নানা ছল করে মোর সনে ।
যখন কোন্দল হয় নবদ্বীপে যেতে কয়
সেই তার কৃপা জানি মনে ॥৯॥
vṛndāvana yāite chāi tāte ājñā nāhi pāi
nānā chhala kare mora sane
yakhana kondala haya navadvīpe yete kaya
sei tāra kṛpā jāni mane [9]
chai–I wanted yaite–to go vrndavana–to Vrndavan, [but] pai nahi–I did not receive ajna–permission tate–to do so. kare–He gave mora sane–me nana–various chhala–excuses. yakhana–When kondala haya–we quarrelled, [however] kaya–He told [me] yete–to go navadvipe–to Nabadwip, [and] mane jani–I accepted sei–that [as] tara–His krpa–mercy. [9]
Translation:
I wanted to go to Vrndavan, but I did not receive His permission: He gave me various excuses. When we quarrelled, however, He told me to go to Nabadwip, and I accepted that as His mercy.
মাতৃ-আজ্ঞা ছল করি’ আছেন বৈকুণ্ঠপুরী
নিজ ধাম ছাড়িয়া এখন ।
তাতে পাঠায় নিজপুরে যাহাকে সে কৃপা করে
যেন গোপের গোলোক-দর্শন ॥১০॥
mātṛ-ājñā chhala kari’ āchhena vaikuṇṭhapurī
nija-dhāma chhāḍiyā ekhana
tāte pāṭhāya nija-pure yāhāke se kṛpā kare
yena gopera goloka-darśana [10]
chhadiya–He left nija-dhama–His home, [and] matr-ajna chhala kari’–using the pretext of His mother’s order, achhena–He is ekhana–now vaikunthapuri–in Jagannath Puri. pathaya–He sends tate yahake–those whom se–He krpa kare–blesses nija-pure–to His abode, [where they] yena gopera goloka-darsana–can see Goloka as the cowherd men did. [10]
Translation:
He left His home, and on the pretext of His mother’s order, He is now in Jagannath Puri. He sends those whom He blesses to His abode, where they can behold Goloka as the cowherd men did.*
*Srimad Bhagavatam (10.28) describes that Nanda Maharaj was once captured by the attendants of Varuna while bathing in the River Yamuna. After Krsna rescued Nanda Maharaj from Varuna’s abode, Nanda Maharaj described both Varuna’s majesty and Varuna’s reverence for Krsna to the cowherd men, who under the cover of yogamaya were amazed that Krsna was the Supreme Lord. They then wondered whether Krsna would ever show them His abode in the spiritual world. Knowing that the cowherd men were unaware of their own supreme fortune of already being in the expansion of His personal abode on earth, Gokula, Krsna fulfilled their desire. He briefly removed them from Gokula, showed them that Goloka, His abode in the spiritual world, is above both Brahmaloka and Vaikuntha, and then revealed Himself in Goloka being worshipped by the personified Vedas. As the cowherd men rejoiced in astonishment, Krsna effortlessly returned them to Gokula.
এই ভাবে গৌর-সেবা করি আমি রাত্রদিবা
গৌরগণের এই ত’ স্বভাব ।
গৌর-গদাধর-পদ আমার ত’ সম্পদ
দামোদর জ্ঞানে এই ভাব ॥১১॥
ei bhāve gaura-sevā kari āmi rātra-divā
gaura-gaṇera ei ta’ svabhāva
gaura-gadādhara-pada āmāra ta’ sampada
dāmodara jñāne ei bhāva [11]
ei bhave–In this way, ami–I gaura-seva kari–serve Gaura ratra-diva–night and day. ei ta’–This [is] svabhava–the nature gaura-ganera–of Gaura’s associates. gaura-gadadhara-pada–The feet of Gaura and Gadadhar [are] amara ta’–my sampada–wealth. damodara–Svarup Damodar jnane–understands ei–this bhava–mood. [11]
Translation:
In this way, I serve Gaura night and day. This is the nature of Gaura’s associates. The feet of Gaura and Gadadhar are my wealth. Svarup Damodar understands this mood.