Subha Avirbhav Tithite Dinera Arti
A Fallen Soul’s Sorrow
on the 66th anniversary of the holy appearance day of
Om Visnupad Paramahamsa Parivrajacharya-varya Astottara-sata-sri
Sri Srimad Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj
A Bengali poem originally published in Sri Gaudiya Darsan,
Volume 6, Issue 3, Thursday, 13 October 1960.
আজি তব শুভ প্রকট-বাসরে
তব নিজজন নানা উপচারে ।
দূর দূর হতে ভেটিতে তোমারে
ব্যাকুলি ছুটিয়া আসে ॥১॥
āji tava śubha prakaṭa-vāsare
tava nija-jana nānā upachāre
dūra dūra hate bheṭite tomāre
vyākuli chhuṭiyā āse [1]
aji–Today, [on] tava–your subha–auspicious prakata–appearance vasare–day, tava–your nija-jana–associates [with] nana–various upachare–offerings vyakuli–eagerly ase–come chhutiya–streaming [in] hate–from dura dura–afar bhetite–to meet tomare–you. [1]
Translation:
Today, on the auspicious day of your appearance, your associates with various offerings eagerly stream in from afar to meet you.
হেরি’ ও অভয় চরণ কমল
পুলকিত তনু আঁখি ছল ছল ।
ভাব-গদ্গদ প্রেম-বিহ্বল
আপনা ধন্য বাসে ॥২॥
heri’ o abhaya charaṇa kamala
pulakita tanu ā̐khi chhala chhala
bhāva-gadgada prema-vihvala
āpanā dhanya vāse [2]
heri’–Seeing o–your kamala–lotus charana–feet, [the abode of] abhaya–fearlessness, [their] tanu–bodies [are] pulakita–enraptured, [their] akhi–eyes [are] chhala chhala–filled with tears, [they] gadgada–stammer bhava–with emotion, [and,] vivhala–overwhelmed prema–with divine love, vase–they feel apana–themselves [to be] dhanya–blessed. [2]
Translation:
Seeing your lotus feet, the abode of fearlessness, the hair on their bodies stands on end, tears pour from their eyes, their voices falter with emotion, and, overwhelmed with divine love, they feel themselves to be blessed.
ক্ষমা-সুন্দর হে প্রভু উদার
নাহি মোর কোন পূজা-উপচার ।
যে কিছু বা আছে—পুঙ্কিল ছার
তোমার যোগ্য নয় ॥৩॥
kṣamā-sundara he prabhu udāra
nāhi mora kona pūjā-upachāra
ye kichhu vā āchhe—puṅkila chhāra
tomāra yogya naya [3]
[But] mora nahi–I do not have kona–any upachara–article puja–of worship, he–O sundara–beautiful, ksama–forgiving, udara–liberal prabhu–Master! ye kichhu va–Whatever achhe–I have [is] punkila–soiled [and] chhara–worthless. naya–It is not yogya–fit tomara–for you. [3]
Translation:
But I have no offering, O beautiful, forgiving, liberal Master! Whatever I have is soiled and worthless. It is not fit for you.
সদা জ্বলিতেছি জীবনের ভুলে
আশ্রয়় মাগি তব পদমূলে ।
না পাশরি যেন তোমা কোনকালে
দাও মোরে বরাভয় ॥৪॥
sadā jvalitechhi jīvanera bhule
āśraya māgi tava pada-mūle
nā pāśari yena tomā kona-kāle
dāo more varābhaya [4]
jvalitechhi–I am suffering sada–constantly [for my] bhule–mistakes jivanera–in life. magi–I pray [for] asraya–shelter mule–at the root [of] tava–your pada–feet. yena–May pasari na–I not forget toma–you [at] kona–any kale–time. [Please] dao–give more–me [this] vara–boon abhaya–of fearlessness. [4]
Translation:
I am constantly suffering from my life of mistakes. I pray for shelter at your feet. May I never forget you. Please give me this boon of fearlessness.
আমি মহাপাপী অধম পামর
ষড়রিপুবশে মত্ত বিভোর ।
কাম-ক্রোধ অরি ঠেলিতেছে ঘোর
মরণ-সিন্ধু-তীরে ॥৫॥
āmi mahāpāpī adhama pāmara
ṣaḍa-ripu-vaśe matta vibhora
kāma-krodha ari ṭhelitechhe ghora
maraṇa-sindhu-tīre [5]
ami–I [am] mahapapi–a great sinner, adhama–a fallen pamara–wretch. vase–Controlled by sad–the six ripu–enemies, [I am] matta–bewildered [and] vibhora–overwhelmed. kama–Lust, krodha–anger, [and my other] ghora–fearsome ari–foes thelitechhe–drive [me] tire–to the shore sindhu–of the ocean marana–of death. [5]
Translation:
I am a great sinner, a fallen wretch. Controlled by the six enemies, I am bewildered and overwhelmed. Lust, anger, and my other fearsome foes drive me to the shore of the ocean of death.
মন মায়ামৃগ অবশ আমার
বুঝালে বুঝে না মঙ্গল তার ।
ছুটে চলে বহি’ সংস্কার ভার
শমন-ভবন-দ্বারে ॥৬॥
mana māyāmṛga avaśa āmāra
bujhāle bujhe nā maṅgala tāra
chhuṭe chale vahi’ saṁskāra bhāra
śamana-bhavana-dvāre [6]
amara–My mana–mind, [like an] avasa–uncontrollable maya-mrga–phantom, bujhe na–does not understand tara–its [own] mangala–good, [even when] bujhale–I force it to understand. vahi’–Bearing bhara–the burden samskara–of [its] conditioning, chhute chale–it rushes dvare–to the door bhavana–of the house samana–of Death. [6]
Translation:
My mind, like an uncontrollable phantom, does not understand its own good even when I force it to understand. Bearing the burden of its conditioning, it rushes to the door of the house of Death.
আপনা হারায়ে মায়া-ছলনায়
লভিয়াছি সুখ-দুঃখ হেলায় ।
পুণ্য-পাপের নাগর-দোলায়
জনম-মরণ-মালা ॥৭॥
āpanā hārāye māyā-chhalanāya
labhiyāchhi sukha-duḥkha helāya
puṇya-pāpera nāgara-dolāya
janama-maraṇa-mālā [7]
haraye–Losing apana–myself [in] maya–Maya’s chhalanaya–deception, helaya–carelessly labhiyachhi–I have undergone sukha–happiness [and] duhkha–sadness nagara-dolaya–on the ‘merry-go-round’ papera–of sin [and] punya–piety [along] mala–the chain janama–of birth [and] marana–death. [7]
Translation:
Lost to myself in Maya’s deception, I have carelessly undergone happiness and sadness on the ‘merry-go-round’ of piety and sin along the chain of birth and death.
«মহা অনর্থে» ভাবিয়া আপন
দূরে ঠেলিয়াছি পরমার্থ-ধন ।
স্বরগ-মর্ত্ত করি’ আলোড়ন
পেয়েছি দহন জ্বালা ॥৮॥
“mahā anarthe” bhāviyā āpana
dūre ṭheliyāchhi paramārtha-dhana
svaraga-marta kari’ āloḍana
peyechhi dahana jvālā [8]
bhaviya–Immersing apana–myself [in] «maha–«total anarthe»–meaninglessness», theliyachhi–I have thrown dure–away [all] paramartha–spiritual dhana–wealth, [and] alodana kari’–bobbing [between] svaraga–heaven [and] marta–earth, jvala peyechhi–I have been burned dahana–by a blazing fire. [8]
Translation:
Immersing myself in «total meaninglessness», I have thrown away all spiritual wealth, and bobbing between heaven and earth, I have been burned by a blazing fire.
চারি-দিকে জ্বলে নরক-কুণ্ড
লেলিহান-শিখা আলোড়ি’ শুণ্ড ।
করিয়া ব্যাদান বিশাল তুণ্ড
গ্রাসিবারে চায় মোরে ॥৯॥
chāri-dike jvale naraka-kuṇḍa
lelihāna-śikhā āloḍi’ śuṇḍa
kariyā vyādāna viśāla tuṇḍa
grāsibāre chāya more [9]
kunda–The pit naraka–of hell jvale–blazes [in the] chari–four dike–directions. [Its] lelihana–shooting sikha–flames, [with] alodi’–flaring sunda–trunks [and] visala–massive, vyadana kariya–gaping tunda–mouths, chaya–desire grasibare–to devour more–me. [9]
Translation:
The pit of hell blazes on all sides. With flaring trunks and massive gaping mouths, its shooting flames desire to devour me.
ভুবন-ব্যাপ্ত-দহন-জ্বালায়
মহাত্রাসে প্রাণ ইতি-উতি ধায় ।
ক্লান্ত হইয়া আবার ঘুমায়
মহামায়া-মোহঘোরে ॥১০॥
bhuvana-vyāpta-dahana-jvālāya
mahātrāse prāṇa iti-uti dhāya
klānta ha-iyā ābāra ghumāya
mahāmāyā-moha-ghore [10]
[Within this] dahana–blazing jvalaya–fire vyapta–spread bhuvana–throughout the world, [my] prana–heart dhaya–runs iti–hither [and] uti–thither mahatrase–in great fear. ha-iya–Becoming klanta–exhausted, abara–again ghumaya–it falls asleep ghore–in the dark moha–illusion mahamaya–of Mahamaya. [10]
Translation:
Within this blazing fire that engulfs the world, my heart runs hither and thither in terror. Eventually exhausted, it again falls asleep in Mahamaya’s dark illusion.
তব সুশীতল চরণ ছায়ায়
কত দীন হীন আশ্রয়় পায় ।
এ অধম ভুলি’ মোহিনী মায়ায়
ফেলিছে দীর্ঘশ্বাস ॥১১॥
tava suśītala charaṇa chhāyāya
kata dīna hīna āśraya pāya
e adhama bhuli’ mohinī māyāya
phelichhe dīrgha-śvāsa [11]
[In the] susitala–cooling chhayaya–shade [of] tava–your charana–feet, kata–many dina–poor [and] hina–fallen [souls] paya–have found asraya–shelter, [but] e–this adhama–fallen soul, bhuli’–blundering mayaya–in the illusion mohini–of the enchantress, phelichhe–has [only] heaved dirgha–long svasa–sighs. [11]
Translation:
In the cooling shade of your feet, many poor and fallen souls have found shelter, but this fallen soul, blundering in Maya’s illusion, has only heaved long sighs.
হরিনামামৃত সুরধুনী আনি’
কত দীন হীনে তারিলে আপনি ।
বঞ্চিত শুধু দিবস-যামিনী
এই নগণ্য-দাস ॥১২॥
hari-nāmāmṛta suradhunī āni’
kata dīna hīne tārile āpani
vañchita śudhu divasa-yāminī
ei nagaṇya-dāsa [12]
ani’–You have brought down suradhuni–the river of the gods— amrta–the nectar hari–of the Lord’s nama–Name— [and] apani–personally tarile–delivered kata–many dina–poor [and] hine–fallen [souls] . divasa–Day [and] yamini–night, sudhu–only ei–this naganya–insignificant dasa–servant [remains] vanchita–deprived. [12]
Translation:
You have brought down the river of heaven—the nectar of the Lord’s Name—and personally delivered many poor and fallen souls. Day and night, only this insignificant servant remains deprived.
ধর ধর প্রভু আপন স্বভাবে
তব কটাক্ষে মায়া পরাভবে ।
হে দীন-শরণ তব বৈভবে
দেখুক জগত জন ॥১৩॥
dhara dhara prabhu āpana svabhāve
tava kaṭākṣe māyā parābhave
he dīna-śaraṇa tava vaibhave
dekhuka jagata jana [13]
dhara–Grab [me!] dhara–Grab [me!] prabhu–O Master! [Out of your] apana–own [good] svabhave–nature. tava–Your katakse–glance [alone] parabhave–dispels maya–Maya. he–O sarana–shelter dina–of the fallen! [Let] jana–the people jagata–of [this] world dekhuka–see tava–your vaibhave–glory! [13]
Translation:
Grab me! Grab me! O Master! Out of your own good nature. Your glance alone dispels Maya. O shelter of the fallen! Let the people of this world see your glory!
এ মায়া বাধন করিয়া ছেদন
তব পাদ পাই নাহি শক্তি হেন ।
তুমি কৃপা করি’ কাটিয়া আপন
শ্রীচরণে দেহ স্থান ॥১৪॥
e māyā bādhana kariyā chhedana
tava pāda pāi nāhi śakti hena
tumi kṛpā kari’ kāṭiyā āpana
śrī-charaṇe deha sthāna [14]
nahi–I do not have hena–the sakti–power [to] chhedana kariya–cut away e–this badhana–bondage maya–of Maya [and] pai–reach tava–your pada–feet. [May] tumi–you [please] krpa kari’–be merciful, katiya–cut [it] away apana–yourself, [and] deha–give [me] sthana–a place [at your] sri-charane–holy feet. [14]
Translation:
I do not have the power to cut away Maya’s bondage and reach your feet. Be merciful, cut it away yourself, and give me a place at your holy feet.
মিছে বলা মোর ‘আত্ম-সমর্পণ’
আমার বলিতে নাহি কোন ধন ।
আপন করিয়া পতিত পাবন
গ্রহণ করহ মোরে ॥১৫॥
michhe balā mora ‘ātma-samarpaṇa’
āmāra balite nāhi kona dhana
āpana kariyā patita pāvana
grahaṇa karaha more [15]
mora–My bala–talk ‘atma-samarpana’–of ‘self-surrender’ [is] michhe–false. nahi–There is no dhana–value kona–at all [in] amara–my balite–speech. kariya–Make apana–yourself pavana–a saviour patita–of the fallen [and] grahana karaha–rescue more–me. [15]
Translation:
My talk of ‘self-surrender’ is false. My words have no value. Become a saviour of the fallen and rescue me.
তোমর চরণে এ মোর মিনতি
হও প্রভু মোর জীবনে গতি ।
বাঁধিয়া পালন সেবা দিয়া নিতি
সকরুণ কৃপা-ডোরে ॥১৬॥
tomara charaṇe e mora minati
hao prabhu mora jīvane gati
bā̐dhiyā pālana sevā diyā niti
sakaruṇa kṛpā-ḍore [16]
[At] tomara–your charane–feet, e–this [is] mora–my minati–prayer: hao–be, prabhu–O master, gati–the shelter [in] mora–my jivane–life badhiya–by binding [me] dore–with the ropes [of your] sakaruna–compassionate krpa–mercy [and] niti–always diya–giving [me your] palana–protection [and] seva–service. [16]
Translation:
At your feet, this is my prayer: O Master, be the shelter in my life by binding me with the rope of your compassionate mercy and always giving me your protection and service.
The fallen,