Siddhi-lalasa: Hankering for Fulfilment
(১৪)
(14)
কবে গৌর-বনে, সুরধুনী-তটে
‘হা রাধে হা কৃষ্ণ’ বলে’ ।
কাঁদিয়া বেড়াব, দেহ-সুখ ছাড়ি’
নানা লতাতরুতলে ॥১॥
kabe gaura-vane, suradhunī-taṭe,
‘hā rādhe hā kṛṣṇa’ bale’
kā̐diyā beḍāba, deha-sukha chhāḍi’
nānā latā-taru-tale [1]
kabe–when?; gaura (sri gaurasundarer)–of Sri Gaurasundar; vane (vihara-ksetre)–in the forest (in the place of the Pastimes of Sri Gaurasundar — Sri Nabadwip Dham); suradhuni–of the Ganges; tate–on the bank; ha–oh!; radhe–Srimati Radharani; ha–oh!; krsna–Krishna; bale–say; ka̐diya–crying; bedaba–I will wander; deha–of the body; sukha–happiness; chhadi’–abandoning; nana–various; lata–creepers; taru–trees; tale–at the base. [1]
Translation:
(1) When will I abandon all bodily pleasures and wander along the banks of the Ganges beneath the trees and creepers of the forests of the land of Sri Gaurasundar, crying and calling out, «O Radha! O Krishna!»?
শ্বপচ-গৃহেতে, মাগিয়া খাইব
পিব সরস্বতী জল ।
পুলিনে পুলিনে, গড়াগড়ি দিব
করি’ কৃষ্ণ-কোলাহল ॥২॥
śvapacha-gṛhete, māgiyā khāiba,
piba sarasvatī-jala
puline puline, gaḍā-gaḍi diba,
kari’ kṛṣṇa-kolāhala [2]
svapacha (kukura mamsa-bhoji chandala)–of low-class persons who eat dog-meat; grhete–in the homes; magiya–begging; khaiba–I will eat; piba–I will drink; saraswati–of the river Sarasvati; jala–the water; puline–on the banks; puline–along the banks; gada-gadi–rolling on the ground; diba–I will give; kari’–making; krsna–of Krishna; kolahala–an uproar. [2]
Translation:
(2) Then I will eat by begging food from the houses of dog-eating outcasts and drink the water of the Saraswati. I will roll about on the banks of the Ganges and uproariously call out, «Krishna!»
ধামবাসী জনে, প্রণতি করিয়া
মাগিব কৃপার লেশ ।
বৈষ্ণব-চরণ- রেণু গায় মাখি’
ধরি’ অবধূত-বেশ ॥৩॥
dhāma-vāsī jane, praṇati kariyā,
māgiba kṛpāra leśa
vaiṣṇava-charaṇa-reṇu gāya mākhi’,
dhari’ avadhūta-veśa [3]
dhama–of the holy abode; vasi–residents; jane–to the people; pranati–obeisance; kariya–doing; magiba–I will beg; krpara–of mercy; lesa (kana)–a trace (a particle); vaisnava–of the devotees; charana–of the feet; renu–the dust; gaya–on the body; makhi’–smearing; dhari’–wearing; avadhuta–of an itinerant mendicant transcendental to varnasram-dharma, whose ecstatic, purely devotional behaviour is incomprehensible (and disregarded) by worldly persons (and neophyte devotees); vesa–the garb. [3]
Translation:
(3) I will bow down before the residents of Sri Gaurasundar’s abode and beg for a particle of their mercy. I will wear the garb of an avadhut and smear my body with the devotees’ foot-dust.
গৌড়-ব্রজ-জনে, ভেদ না হেরিব
হইব বরজবাসী ।
ধামের স্বরূপ, স্ফুরিবে নয়নে
হইব রাধার দাসী ॥৪॥
gauḍa-vraja-jane, bheda nā heriba,
ha-iba varaja-vāsī
dhāmera svarūpa, sphuribe nayane,
ha-iba rādhāra dāsī [4]
gauda (sri-gauda-mandala)–of the district of Gauda; vraja (sri vraja-mandala)–of the district of Vraja; jane (parikara, bhagavat parsada)–the people (retinue, associates of the Lord); bheda–difference; na–not; heriba–I will see; ha-iba–I will become; varaja (vraja)–of Vraja; vasi–a resident; dhamera–of the abode (of Vraja); svarupa (chidananda svarupa)–the true nature (ecstatic spiritual nature); sphuribe–will be manifest; nayane–before my eyes; ha-iba (labha kariba)–I will become (I will obtain); radhara–of Srimati Radharani; dasi (kainkarya)–a maidservant (servitude). [4]
Translation:
(4) I will see no difference between the residents of Gauda and the residents of Vraja, and I will become a resident of Vraja. The true nature of the Lord’s abode will manifest before my eyes, and I will become Sri Radha’s maidservant.
(4) gauḍa-vraja-jane: «The residents of Gauda and the residents of Vraja.» In this connection, Srila Narottam Thakur has written in his composition Prarthana (39.3):
śrī-gauḍa-maṇḍala-bhūmi, yebā jāne chintāmaṇi,
tāra haya vraja-bhūme vāsa
«One who knows the land of Sri Gauda to be made of wish-fulfilling jewels (that is, to be spiritual) resides in the land of Vraja.»
(১৫)
(15)
দেখিতে দেখিতে, ভুলিব বা কবে
নিজ-স্থূল-পরিচয় ।
নয়নে হেরিব, ব্রজপুরশোভা
নিত্য চিদানন্দময় ॥১॥
dekhite dekhite, bhuliba vā kabe,
nija-sthūla-parichaya
nayane heriba, vraja-pura-śobhā,
nitya chid-ānanda-maya [1]
dekhite dekhite–immediately; bhuliba–I will forget; va–[an emphatic particle]; kabe–when?; nija–own; sthula (jada jagatera)–gross (of the material world); parichaya–identity; nayane–in the eyes; heriba–I will behold; vraja–of Vraja; pura–the village; sobha–the beauty; nitya–eternal; chit–spiritual; ananda–ecstasy; maya–consisting of. [1]
Translation:
(1) When will I at once forget my gross material identity? Then I will behold before my eyes the beauty of the eternal, spiritual, ecstatic abode of Vraja.
বৃষভানুপুরে, জনম লইব
যাবটে বিবাহ হ’বে ।
ব্রজগোপী-ভাব, হইবে স্বভাব
আন-ভাব না রহিবে ॥২॥
vṛṣabhānu-pure, janama la-iba,
yāvaṭe vivāha ha’be
vraja-gopī-bhāva, ha-ibe svabhāva,
āna-bhāva nā rahibe [2]
vrsabhanu–of King Vrsabhanu (the father of Srimati Radharani); pure–in the village; janama–birth; la-iba–I will take; yavate (sri radharanira svasuralaye)–in the village of Yavat (in the abode of the father-in-law of Srimati Radharani); vivaha–wedding; ha’be–will be; vraja–of Vraja; gopi–cowherd lady; bhava–nature, identity, mood; ha-ibe–will be; svabhava–nature; ana (gopi-bhinna anya)–another (different from that of a gopi); bhava–nature; na–not; rahibe–will remain. [2]
Translation:
(2) I will take birth in the village of Vrsabhanu and be married in the village of Yavat. My nature will become that of a Vraja-gopi; no other nature will remain within me.
(2) vṛṣabhānu-pure … āna-bhāva nā rahibe: «I will take birth in the village of Vrsabhanu … No other nature will remain within me.» Srila Narottam Thakur has written a verse similar to this in Prarthana (12.1–2):
kabe vṛṣabhānu-pūre, āhirī gopera ghare,
tanayā ha-iyā janamiba
yāvaṭe āmāra kabe, e-pāṇi grahaṇa habe
vasati kariba kabe tāya
«When will I be born as a daughter in the home of an Ahiri cowherd man in the village of Vrsabhanu? When will I be married in the village of Yavat? When will I reside there (and serve Sri Radha’s intimate friends)?»
নিজ সিদ্ধদেহ, নিজ সিদ্ধনাম
নিজ-রূপ-স্ববসন ।
রাধাকৃপা-বলে, লভিব বা কবে
কৃষ্ণপ্রেম প্রকরণ ॥৩॥
nija-siddha-deha, nija-siddha-nāma,
nija-rūpa-sva-vasana
rādhā-kṛpā-bale, labhiba vā kabe,
kṛṣṇa-prema-prakaraṇa [3]
nija–own; siddha–perfect; deha–body; nija–own; siddha–perfect; nama–name; nija–own; rupa–form; sva–own; vasana–garments; radha (radhabhinna sri guru)–of Sri Radha (of Sri Radha’s non-different form of Sri Guru); krpa–of the mercy; bale–by the strength; labhiba–I will obtain; va–[an emphatic particle]; kabe–when; krsna–of Sri Krishna; prema–divine love; prakarana (paddhati)–method (path). [3]
Translation:
(3) When will I attain, by the mercy of Sri Radha (Sri Guru), my eternal name, eternal body, eternal dress, and the path of Krishna-prema?
(3) nija-siddha-deha … kṛṣṇa-prema-prakaraṇa: «When will I obtain … the path of Krishna-prema?» Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur has described this path in further detail in his Sri Hari-nama-chintamani as follows:
«A practitioner whose natural propensity is to pursue a relationship of amorous love (madhura-rasa) with the Lord must accept the practice of subservience (anugatya) to a Vraja-gopi. If he does not accept the nature of a Vraja-gopi, he will not become qualified for a relationship of amorous love with the Lord. When a practitioner accepts the eleven aspects of a Vraja-gopi’s the nature (bhava), he will attain the position of a Vraja-gopi.
«The eleven aspects of a Vraja-gopi’s nature are: (1) sambandha: relationship in madhura-rasa; (2) vayas: age; (3) nam: name; (4) rupa: form; (5) yutha-praves: group of girlfriends; (6) ves: dress; (7) ajna: duties; (8) vasa-sthan: place of residence; (9) seva: service to Srimati Radharani; (10) parakastha: paramount aspiration; and (11) palya-dasi-bhava: mood of a protected maidservant.
«In whatever form a practitioner may live in within this world, he will engage in service, having embraced within his heart these leven aspects of Vraja-gopi-bhava.»
যামুন সলিল আহরণে গিয়া
বুঝিব যুগল-রস ।
প্রেমমুগ্ধ হ’য়ে, পাগলিনী-প্রায়
গাইব রাধার যশ ॥৪॥
yāmuna-salila-āharaṇe giyā,
bujhiba yugala-rasa
prema-mugdha ha’ye, pāgalinī-prāya,
gāiba rādhāra yaśa [4]
yamuna–of the river Yamuna; salila–water; aharane–to collect; giya–going; bujhiba–I will understand; yugala–of the Divine Couple; rasa–ecstatic relationship; prema–with divine love; mugdha–overwhelmed; ha’ye–becoming; pagalini–madwoman; praya–almost; gaiba–I will sing; radhara–of Sri Radha; yasa–the glories. [4]
Translation:
(4) Then as I collect water from the river Yamuna, I will have realisations about the Divine Couple’s loving relationship. I will become overwhelmed with prema and sing Sri Radha’s glories like a madwoman.
(১৬)
(16)
বৃষভানুসুতা- চরণ-সেবনে
হইব যে পাল্যদাসী ।
শ্রীরাধার সুখ, সতত সাধনে
রহিব আমি প্রয়াসী ॥১॥
vṛṣabhānu-sutā- charaṇa-sevane,
ha-iba ye pālya-dāsī
śrī-rādhāra sukha, satata sādhane,
rahiba āmi prayāsī [1]
vrsabhanu–of Vrsabhanu; suta–of the daughter; charana–feet; sevane–in the service; ha-iba–I will become; ye–which; palya–to be maintained; dasi (nitya-siddha sakhi-gana asrita)–maidservant (sheltered maidservant of the eternal, spiritual girlfriends of Srimati Radharani); sri-radhara–of Sri Radha; sukha–happiness; satata–always; sadhane–in pursuits; rahiba–will remain; ami–I; prayasi–one who endeavours. [1]
Translation:
(1) I will become a maintained maidservant engaged in the service of Vrsabhanu Suta’s feet and constantly endeavour for Her happiness.
(1) pālya-dāsī: «A maintained maidservant.» Srila Raghunath Das Goswami has described the mood (bhava) of a palya-dasi in his composition Vraja-vilasa-stava (29):
sāndra-prema-rasaiḥ plutā priyatayā prāgalbhyam āptā tayoḥ
prāṇa-preṣṭha-vayasyayor anudinaṁ līlābhisāraṁ kramaiḥ
vaidagdhyena tathā sakhīṁ prati sadā mānasya śikṣāṁ rasair
yeyaṁ kārayatīha hanta lalitā gṛhṇātu sā māṁ gaṇaiḥ
Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur has translated this verse in his Jaiva-dharmaas follows: «Sri Lalita Devi, steeped in intense divine love and impudent as an expression of her affection, makes daily arrangements for the secluded amorous union of her dearly beloved Sri Radha and Sri Krishna. With her cunning, she teaches her dearest girlfriend, Sri Radhika, the art of exhibiting jealous anger (man). May that Lalita Devi accept me within her group of associates; may she accept me as her maintained maidservant (palya-dasi).»
শ্রীরাধার সুখে, কৃষ্ণের যে সুখ
জানিব মনেতে আমি ।
রাধাপদ ছাড়ি’, শ্রীকৃষ্ণ-সঙ্গমে
কভু না হইব কামী ॥২॥
śrī-rādhāra sukhe, kṛṣṇera ye sukha,
jāniba manete āmi
rādhā-pada chhāḍi’, śrī-kṛṣṇa-saṅgame,
kabhu nā ha-iba kāmī [2]
sri-radhara–of Sri Radha; sukhe–in the happiness; krsnera–of Sri Krishna; ye–which; sukha–happiness; janiba–I will know; manete–in my heart; ami–I; radha–of Sri Radha; pada–the feet; chhadi’–abandoning; sri-krsna–with Sri Krishna; sangame–for union; kabhu–ever; na–not; ha-iba–I will become; kami–desirous. [2]
Translation:
(2) I will know within my heart the pleasure that Krishna finds in the pleasure of Sri Radha. I will never abandon Sri Radha’s feet and become desirous of direct union with Sri Krishna.
(2) śrī rādhāra sukhe … kāmī: «I will never become desirous of direct union with Sri Krishna.» This mood of chastity has been explained by Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur in his Jaiva-dharma as follows:
«You are a maidservant of Sri Radhika — Her service alone is your service. If, being sent by Her, you enter into the presence of Krishna in a solitary place and Krishna approaches you amorously, you should not consent to His advances. You are Sri Radhika’s maidservant; without Sri Radhika’s permission you should not independently serve Krishna. Although you should maintain equal affection for both Radha and Krishna, you should be more eager to engage in the loving service (dasya-prema) of Sri Radhika than the loving service of Sri Krishna. This is known as seva. Your only seva is to engage in Sri Radha’s service during all eight periods of the day (asta-kalin).»
সখীগণ মম পরম-সুহৃৎ
যুগল-প্রেমের গুরু ।
তদনুগ হ’য়ে, সেবিব রাধার
চরণ-কলপ-তরু ॥৩॥
sakhī-gaṇa mama parama-suhṛt,
yugala-premera guru
tad anuga ha’ye, seviba rādhāra
charaṇa-kalapa-taru [3]
sakhi–of girlfriends; gana–group; mama–my; parama–supreme; suhrt–the well-wishers; yugala–of the Divine Couple; premera–of divine love; guru–guardians, instructors; tad–of them; anuga–the follower; ha’ye–being; seviba–I will serve; radhara–of Sri Radha; charana–of the feet; kalapa-taru–the wish-fulfilling tree. [3]
Translation:
(3) Sri Radha’s girlfriends are my greatest well-wishers. They are my Gurus who teach me about the Divine Couple’s prema. As their follower, I will serve the wish-fulfilling tree of Sri Radha’s feet.
(3) sakhī-gaṇa … kalpa-taru: «Sri Radha’s girlfriends are my Gurus … As their follower, I will serve Sri Radha.» This practice of subservience unto Sri Radha’s girlfriends has been explained by Srila Raghunath Das Goswami Prabhu in his Vraja-vilasa-stava (38):
tāmbūlārpaṇa-pāda-mardana-payo-dānābhisārādibhir
vṛndāraṇya-maheśvarīṁ priyatayā yās toṣayanti priyāḥ
prāṇa-preṣṭha-sakhī-kulād api kilāsaṅkochitā bhūmikāḥ
kelī-bhūmiṣu rūpa-mañjarī-mukhās tā dāsikāh saṁśraye
Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur translates this verse as follows in his Jaiva-dharma: «The group of Sri Radhika’s maidservants led by Sri Rupa Manjari always please Her by offering Her betel-rolls, massaging Her feet, bringing Her water, arranging for Her secluded amorous unions with Her paramour, Sri Krishna, and by performing other such services with affection. They are by nature more unreserved in their service activities than the prana-prestha-sakhis (Lalita Devi, Visakha Devi, and so forth). I take complete shelter of them (I accept them as my instructing guardians (Siksa-gurus) who guide me in my service activities).»
রাধা-পক্ষ ছাড়ি’ যে জন সে জন
যে ভাবে সে ভাবে থাকে ।
আমি ত’ রাধিকা- পক্ষপাতী সদা
কভু নাহি হেরি তাকে ॥৪॥
rādhā-pakṣa chhāḍi’ ye-jana se-jana
ye bhāve se bhāve thāke
āmi ta’ rādhikā- pakṣapātī sadā,
kabhu nāhi heri tā’ke [4]
radha–of Sri Radha; paksa–the party; chhadi’–abandoning; ye–which; jana–persons; se–those; jana–persons; ye–which; bhave–nature; se–that; bhave–mood; thake–stay; ami–I; ta’–certainly; radhika–of Sri Radha; paksapati–partial; sada–always; kabhu–ever; nahi–not; heri–I see; ta’ke–to them. [4]
Translation:
(4) I am always completely partial to Sri Radha’s party. I never even look at those who have abandoned Her party, whoever they are, and whatever their nature may be.
(4) rādhā-pakṣa … tā’ke: «I am always completely partial to Sri Radha’s party …» This conviction has been expressed by Srila Raghunath Das Goswami Prabhu in the sixth verse of his Svaniyama-dasakam:
anādṛtyodgītām api muni-gaṇair vaiṇika-mukhaiḥ
pravīṇāṁ gāndharvām api cha nigamais tat-priyatamām
ya ekaṁ govindaṁ bhajati kapaṭī dāmbhikatayā
tad-abhyarṇe śīrṇe kṣaṇam api na yāmi vratam idam
«I never, even for a moment, go near the impure vicinity of a conceited charlatan who worships Sri Govinda alone, having disregarded His dearmost beloved Srimati Gandharva, whose super-excellent glories are sung throughout all the scriptures by the great sages headed by the vina player Narad Muni. This is my solemn vow.»
Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur expresses the same conviction in the ninth verse of his Svaniyama-dvadasakam:
arādhaṁ govindaṁ bhajati nitarāṁ dāmbhikatayā
tad-abhyāse kintu kṣaṇam api na yāmi vratam idam
«I will never, even for a moment, go anywhere near those who, ridden with extreme conceit, worship Sri Govinda without Sri Radha. This is my vow.»